i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
