so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
