Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
