I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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