he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
