He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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