I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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