Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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