all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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