I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
