...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
