I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
