WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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