If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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