I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
