We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
