Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont even know how to be here
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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