Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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