god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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