Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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