I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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