My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
