At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
