Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
