Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
