THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
