come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
