I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Watching her eat just hurts me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
