I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
