There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
tell me about the eggs
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