So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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