Small penises have feelings too.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
