out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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