Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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