Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
