I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
