I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
