break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
