your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
