Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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