so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
