I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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