it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
