evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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