12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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