I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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