fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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