He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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