I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
