It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
