Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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