I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
