I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
