No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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