He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
