Just fell off a train. Bad.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
