ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
