you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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