I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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