We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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