So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
