Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
