Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
