Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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