I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
