Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
