he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
