My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
