I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize