just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The power of my boobs compel you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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