i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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